The Twelve Days of a Homeowner's Christmas

The Twelve Days of a Homeowner’s Christmas

On the first day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

A gate that only opens partially.

On the second day of Christmas break, such woe came unto me,

One pool overflowing.

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the third day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the fourth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the fifth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the sixth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the seventh day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

One puppy peeing,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the eighth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

Carpets that need cleaning,

One puppy peeing,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the ninth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

Presents that need wrapping,

Carpets that need cleaning,

One puppy peeing,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the tenth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

Cancelling housekeepers,

Presents that need wrapping,

Carpets that need cleaning,

One puppy peeing,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the eleventh day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

20 lbs. of roast beast,

Cancelling housekeepers,

Presents that need wrapping,

Carpets that need cleaning,

One puppy peeing,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

On the twelfth day of Christmas Break, such woe came unto me,

One exhausted mother,

20 lbs. of roast beast,

Cancelling housekeepers,

Presents that need wrapping,

Carpets that need cleaning,

One puppy peeing,

Shopping for my husband,

More rain and thunderstorms!

Bedroom walls a-leaking,

One blown transformer,

One pool overflowing,

And a gate that only opens partially.

Emily's Birthday Visit

At the beginning of March, I found myself really missing Emily. We had not seen her for two months, since the start of the winter quarter at the beginning of January. I was becoming more and more painfully aware of the length of our separation. I heard "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder on the radio and resolved then and there that I would drive up to see her on her birthday, March 3. I could leave in the morning, take her to lunch, and meet the boys at home at the end of their school day. I mentioned my plan to Al, who was unable to join me, and to Joey and Jack. To my surprise, they both said they wanted to come as well. They were both (not surprisingly) willing to leave school early and withstand a lot of drive time for the chance to spend a few hours with their sister.

The night before her birthday, the boys and I went to the mall to pick out some birthday gifts for Emily. As Emily loves fragrances, we headed first to the cosmetics department of Macy's. Within 60 seconds, both boys were rolling their eyes in horror to discover that I had not yet made a selection and that they were still surrounded by overly made-up women in a rainbow display of lab coats. I tried to solicit their participation in choosing a scent that Emily might like but they were completely unwilling to formulate an opinion. Joey kept visually scanning around the store, looking for familiar faces who might shamelessly broadcast his whereabouts. Spying a Foot Locker store just outside the mall door, he and Jack beat a hasty retreat to neutral territory. I chose a fragrance that came with a gift-with-purchase tote bag and coin purse, pleased that the entire transaction took less than 15 minutes. The boys, on the other hand, chastised me for keeping them for so long in such a dark corner of boy-hell.

With my gift out of the way, I turned my attention to the boys. Joey wanted to give Emily some of her favorite movies on DVD so we headed to Target at the other end of the mall. Joey's main shopping goal is expediency and within 3 minutes, he had made his selections: "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and "The Hangover". Jack is more pensive and and wanted to give Emily something that would remind her of him. We browsed the shelves and I made numerous suggestions of things that I know she likes: purses, jewelry, clothes, shoes. None of them spoke to him and we continued our quest. We began looking at books and soon found ourselves in the children's section. He found a Disney princess coloring book with Jasmine on the cover. Jasmine is Emily's favorite princess and she maintains that she is underexposed by Disney because she is not white, a belief she has held since she was a little girl. I have to admit, I agree with her. It was an inspired selection by Jack and we picked up a box of crayons to go with it. As we were leaving the department, I spied a picture book about dinosaurs. Both Joey and Jack were big dino-philes when they were younger and Emily learned more than she ever wanted to through osmosis. She is taking a class on dinosaurs next quarter -- that's another blog! --and is convinced that she is a shoo-in for an easy "A" due to her extensive prior knowledge. Serendipity struck again and we quickly grabbed the book.

The next day, we set out after a nutritious McDonald's lunch with Joey riding shotgun and Jack peering out the back windows. The skies were dark and threatening and I was not looking forward to potential rain delays on the road. However, much to my delight, the skies grew brighter as we left the San Fernando Valley behind us and headed for the coastline. By the time we pulled onto campus, the clouds were bright white and fluffy against a clear blue backdrop. If you have never been to UCSB, take a closer look at the photograph above. The campus is bordered by the Pacific Ocean on two sides and is stunningly beautiful. We passed girls in bikinis "studying" on the lawn outside their dorm, strengthening Joey's resolve that one day soon, he too would be a Gaucho. We pulled into a staff-only parking space outside Emily's dorm and called up to her to let her know we had arrived. She came down a few minutes later, walked straight up to the passenger window and said to Joey, "You're in my seat." Without debate, Joey got out of the car and took the seat behind me. The pecking order had been restored.

We spent an uneventful afternoon in downtown Santa Barbara, window shopping and gradually winding our way down to the pier. A light rain began to fall as we made our way back to the car. We had an early dinner at an Italian restaurant close to campus. The boys waited patiently until after dinner to give their gifts to Emily. They were all a big hit, especially the dinosaur book. The festivities now concluded, a hush fell over us as we all silently acknowledged that our time together was coming to an end. We walked slowly back to the car, thankful that the rain had stopped for the moment, and made the short drive back to Emily's dorm. Our good-byes were short and sweet as we reminded each other that we would see Emily again in a couple weeks during her spring break. She ran back into the building, anxious to resume celebrating her birthday with her friends. We pulled away, Joey back up front, Jack waving good-bye from the back window. "I wish we could see Emily everyday," he said. My heart ached for him as I realized how much he missed his sister. "Just a couple weeks, Jack," I said. It started to rain again and poured most of the way home. The drive home seemed longer for so many reasons.

Our Hero, Jack

This season, Kobe Bryant has hit a number of miracle shots at the buzzer which have snatched a victory from the jaws of defeat. He has been well past the three-point line, off-balance and going up on one foot. One watches the clock count down in tenths of a second, all hopes of a win beginning to fade. Finally, with less than a second to go, Kobe releases as he falls backward into the arms of an incredulous defender. All eyes follow the trajectory of the ball as it sails through the air, slowly arcing downward past the clock, now flashing 0.0, that sits above the rim. The ball passes effortlessly through the net, an audible "swish" resonating throughout the breathless crowd; nothing but net. Lakers win.

Jack watches most televised Laker games but often misses the second half due to his school night bedtime. The next morning, he goes straight to the sports page to learn of the outcome of the game and then turns to YouTube to watch the highlights. To Jack, who tells me he is going to provide for us in our retirement years with his NBA salary, this is less of a game in review than it is a study of the game, a training video. He will watch these buzzer beater shots over and over, committing every detail to memory. Often, he retreats to the basketball hoop on our driveway, undoubtedly reenacting those final critical seconds as the crowd cheers in his head. He has great form for an 11-year old and an impressive shooting record from beyond the three-point line.

In his playoff game the other night, Jack's team was down by 8 with about a minute to go in the game. Bringing the ball down court, Jack set up just outside the line and coolly let the ball fly. The home crowd cheered as the referees each put both hands in the air, indicating a 3-pointer to the scorekeeper. Jack's team again had the ball with about 30 seconds to go. One of his teammates put up a shot that rebounded off the rim to the top off the key. Jack never took his eyes off the ball and was waiting in just the right spot when it came back down. He grabbed it and quickly dribbled out once again beyond the three-point line. With nerves of steel, he cocked back his right arm, keeping his left guide hand on the ball. His aim was true and the net barely moved as the ball passed through it. The lead was cut to two points. The crowd was on its feet. The visiting team hit one of two free throws, bringing their lead back up to three. With 4 seconds on the clock, our coach called a time out. Now, we needed another three-pointer to tie up the game and send it into overtime. Everyone in the gym knew what was being said: "Get the ball to Jack." Back on the court, one could see the strategy set up: the center would inbound the ball to Jack as the forward set a screen. It could work; there was just enough time to get off the shot. Slapping the ball to set up the play, the center passed the ball across the court toward Jack but the pass was short. Suddenly, an opposing player raced toward the pass, knocking the ball down court before Jack's team could recover it. The seconds quickly ticked away as the ball bounced out of reach and the buzzer sounded the end of the game. Final score: 51 to 48.

On the court, the winning team was jumping up and down with glee, chest bumping and high fiving. In contrast, Jack's team retreated slowly to their bench with their heads hanging down. I looked for Jack, expecting his disappointment. He was easy to spot amid his downcast teammates because he walked tall with his head held high. It struck me that even though his team had lost, he was feeling the pride of leadership. In a time of need, his team put their faith in him, their designated hero. He was clearly proud of having put forth his best effort and the recognition bestowed upon him by his coach and his team. I would love to have seen him get the ball, put up that final shot and live out his dream as the hero. But for Jack, the approval, respect and confidence he earned that night was very close to winning it all.

When is a Dream a Dream?

Most nights, I have very vivid dreams which I can rarely recall the next morning. last night, it was like I was channel surfing as each dream seemed to abruptly end and another one would immediately begin. I have isolated images from many of them but cannot connect them in any kind of story line, except for one.

In my dream, I was in a tent cabin like one would find at a lakeside summer camp. There were bunk bed cots against the olive green canvas sides and two large picnic tables in the middle of the room. I was "camp counselor" to a group of a dozen or so boys, including Joey and Jack. (Emily has always complained about the disproportionate number of boys in our inter-family activities.) They were all from our old Walnut Creek neighborhood gang, as old as they were when we moved away in 2005. There were lots of different activities going on and it was loud, to say the least. Several boys were playing paper football at the center tables. Suddenly, someone called out that Ryan had fallen asleep on one of the beds. Sure enough, I looked over and saw my girlfriend's son fast asleep on his stomach with his legs tucked up under him. In 2005, Ryan was 5 and not a great sleeper so we were used to him collapsing in exhaustion when he found a quiet and cozy corner. The other boys began to complain that they would have to be quiet while Ryan slept. I told them that I would teach them how to make paper footballs. Andrew said that would be boring. I told him, "You are playing with paper footballs that I made and if you ever want to play without me, you'll have to know how to make them yourself. One day, you will be teaching your son how to make a paper football and you will be thankful for the annoying woman who taught you." He gave me one of those Cheshire Cat grins which told me that he may not have understood everything I just said, he was going to do it nonetheless.

While nothing extraordinary occurred in my dream, I recall it so vividly, perhaps because it could just as easily have been a memory. I told Joey about it this morning on the way to school. I thought he might be amused by the little trip down memory lane. Instead, he looked at me incredulously and said, "You dream about being a mom?" I was taken aback as I had never considered that my dream might be an aspiration rather than just a subconscious manifestation of my swirling psychic energy. He was obviously disappointed that my life goals would be so ordinary. I reassured him that I am happy being the mom in our family and I had no dreams to change that. He shrugged his shoulders, already bored with the topic and clearly unimpressed. The truth is, Joey, being a good mom to you, Emily and Jack is the greatest thing I will ever do. Perhaps, one day, you will be impressed by the challenge of that accomplishment.

Collegiate Apartment Hunting: Update

Well, Emily's jubilation about securing an apartment with more than one bathroom for her and her four roommates for next year was short lived. Just when everything looked like it was a go, the original apartment became available again and her friends were convinced that it was the place for them, in spite of having only one bathroom. Emily was disappointed but not devastated and I am proud of the way she handled herself. I sense that she is going to fall into the role of "house mom" next year as she is already taking on the responsibility of financial manager. Quite frankly, that is much more challenging than managing with only one bathroom. The mere act of making the deposit was very complicated as the property management company requires a single cashier's check for the full deposit. That meant that five girls with accounts at five different banks had to have their money sent immediately to one bank so a cashier's check could be drawn. Of course, I chose our bank so I could help Emily coordinate the process. We worked out the details in advance so she would know what to do when they all got to the bank. Fortunately, a very patient banker assisted them with the process and they seemed to have everything in order. Just before he went to cut the check, he looked up at my nervous daughter and asked, "Do you want to call your mom?" "Yes," she quickly answered. Moments later my phone rang and I assured her that she had dotted all the "i's" and crossed all the "t's". She sighed, "Okay...thanks, Mommy!" Another major life hurdle cleared! More than 13 years of schooling, SAT's, ACT's, AP exams and college applications and now, obtaining a cashier's check. My baby girl is growing up.

A Question of Degrees

Of all the many downsides to aging, my pet peeve of the moment is that I am cold all the time. I remember when I was a kid and my friends and I would always snicker at the "old ladies" with the cardigans over their shoulders. They seemed to emerge any time the temperature dropped into the 70's and they would layer up in long sleeves, pants, a sweater and often a scarf as well. And this was springtime in Los Angeles! I noticed that my mother, born and raised in North Dakota, which often posts the coldest temperatures in the nation, would bundle up at the slightest breeze and allude to her thinning blood. Well, apparently the apple does not fall far from the tree as I find myself constantly fighting a chill. It would seem that I am a journeyman old lady!

Shortly after my 40th birthday, I began to notice how hard it was to stay warm in cold weather. At first, I blamed it on my Southern California roots which had ill prepared me for our tours of duty in cooler climates. I dressed in layers and amassed a closetful of "kitchen sweaters" which made my kids cringe when I wore them out of the house. In spite of my best efforts, I kept shivering. One day, I noticed that one of my right fingertips was white. All the other fingers were flush with color but this finger looked dead from knuckle to tip. It tingled as if it were asleep. I ran it under hot water, massaged it and tapped it on a hard surface to get the blood flowing, all to no avail. It changed from white to blue, looking badly bruised and finally, after more than an hour, it returned to its normal hue. My sister, Mary, identified this phenomenon as "Raynaud's Disease", a not uncommon occurrence in middle-aged women after exposure to cold weather. My pseudo-scientific mind find this intriguing as it never occurs in my left hand and seems to focus on a different finger each year. At first, it happened exclusively in my middle finger and now it is only in my pinkie, but never in my thumb. My kids think it is funny and as it is not limiting in any way, I just wait for it to pass. The only aspect of it I find truly irritating is its reflection on my advancing years.

As Mr. and Mrs. Heat Miser, Al and I have always kept our house as cool as tolerable in the winter and just below sweltering in the summer. While our energy bills would seemingly belie the efficacy of this practice, we resolutely kept the thermostat at 64 degrees throughout the coldest months of the year. Last night, the boys and I came home from a basketball game, soaking wet and chilled to the bone. I quickly shed my wet shoes and layered on my dowdiest kitchen sweaters. Walking past the thermostat, I stopped and stared at the blinking "64" and was struck by the realization that this was almost 35 degrees below my body temperature. Now wonder I am so cold all the time! I brazenly pressed the "Up" arrow once, twice, three times, four times...68 degrees! Moments later, I stood in the kitchen under the ceiling vent, rejoicing in the rush of warm air wafting over me, my pinkie slowly thawing. Later, watching "Bones" with Joey and Jack, I was truly relaxed without the chill and muscle tension that usually rack my body. I left the heat turned up for a couple hours. By the time, I went upstairs to bed, I could feel the cool winter air reestablishing its dominance, but by then, I was ready for it.

I do not think I am ready to sacrifice our kids' college funds for my numb fingers, but I have seen and felt the light and I will not spend the rest of my life huddled under blankets. So, I am off to the hardware store to get a space heater, just as soon as I can wake up my pinkie!

Apartment Hunting Update

Last week, with great reluctance, Emily, along with her four roommates, submitted her application for the 1 bathroom apartment in Isla Vista, just off the UCSB campus. She was unsuccessful in convincing the other girls that sacrificing a second bathroom for a great party deck was not a worthwhile trade-off. So, she sucked it up and completed all the paperwork. I had to complete a Third Party Lease Guarantor form -- after confirming that I was only guaranteeing Emily's rent payment and not all the girls. Then, we waited. Today, I received a text from her that was just bursting with jubilation: they did not get the apartment! She kept her glee to herself and they quickly set about the task of finding another place. I just got off the phone with a very happy college freshman: "Mommy? I found a house!" She feels like karma or divine intervention worked in her favor so that five girls could live happily ever after, at least for nine months, in 800 square feet with two bathrooms. Stay tuned. I am sure there will be lots of great stories to share next year!